I’m actually here for another solid 4 hours.
Today’s the day! I’m officially disappearing until sometime next week. Hopefully it won’t be too long. :D
I love drizzly mornings, the smell of coffee, old photographs, even older books, sunshine, anciently huge trees, old Victorian houses, ghost stories, notebooks, pens, feathers, grand adventures, starry nights, tire swings, tree houses, open fields, barns, the list is endless.
I would sing as loudly as I wanted to when I go for walks or bike rides. I would link arms with a stranger in a book store and have them introduce me to their favorite authors. I would strike up conversations with random people on the streets and invite them out for coffee or buy them lunch. I would do so many things I can’t even name them all. And why should I worry about being judged? I should start doing these things anyway. I think I will.
To be honest, no, not lately. I’ve been so upset about the fact that I’m moving away from all my friends in a couple of days that I’ve shut everyone out and retreated inside of myself. I’ve been snappy with him because he hurt me and he hasn’t made any effort to make amends, I’ve been distant with her because she’s found a boy to make her happy. When I should’ve been spending the most time with everyone, cherishing every moment, I’ve been acting like a whiny brat expecting everyone to drop everything and come to my rescue. I feel horrible for that. That is not at all how I would want to be treated. I’m ashamed of myself for acting like I have.
Sometimes. I don’t take elevators too often.
I am. I’m holding on to a relationship that really was never there to begin with. It’s been especially hard this time around for reasons I don’t understand. I’ve been able to let things go so easily; I’m not sure why I’m still holding on to this one.
I do. I notice on days when I look in the mirror and tell myself that I’m beautiful, or strong, or I will be happy that day, I believe it and I am. It helps so much. If I believe I’m a wonderful person, I’ll act like I am, regardless of whatever anyone else thinks.
I’ll read to her every night, and lay in bed beside her just until she falls asleep. Just so she can close her eyes and not feel so alone; just so she can feel another’s heartbeat.
Once, I read that when an Amish boy wants to court a girl, he asks her sister or female cousin if he can take the girl home from church meetings. I imagine them sitting inside with the rest of the family or talking on the porch after everyone has gone to bed. In very old Amish groups, when the…
Dear Alex,
If I fall asleep on you, I apologize.
Love,
Ellie
